I don't feel like going back through these posts to see how much I've written about the boys and preschool this year. I'm sure some, but it's been sort of interesting. Today I was told something that made me kind of evaluate my kids a little and also made me wonder how on earth I'm qualified to evaluate my kids at all?! I know there's like a "mommy instinct" and while most of the time I totally trust mine, sometimes it's hard to know for sure I'm right.
So basically for 3/4 of this school year Lysander has cried when I dropped him off at school. Isaac did not in the beginning but then started to after G left from R&R, stopped after awhile, and then started again when G got home. It's been a roller coaster of emotion for them about going to preschool. Quick mention: Lysander cried for maybe the first couple of week last year and then stopped and was fine until G left for leave, cried for a couple weeks again and then stopped and was fine.
My "mommy instincts" say this... They have big time seperation anxiety. Directly as a result from G leaving so much basically for all of their lives. When Lysander was a baby, and I was pregnant with Isaac, G left for two months to do training for Houlihan's. 2009 there wasn't much of him leaving except for his two weeks in the summer, but then in 2010 he was gone for four months for military training, and of course then in 2011 he was basically never home the month of February. The kids saw him for maybe a few minutes at night. Then in March he left for six weeks after a five day leave, and then came home for four days and was gone until basically September. Home for 15 day leave and then left again until December. Honestly, I don't think about it much. I mean, to me, it's an almost four year span now of him leaving to go do different things career wise. When you put it all down in writing like that, it seems like much more of an upheavel in the boys' lives. Though I feel bad that they cry when we leave(and honestly, it's not all of the time. sometimes they don't even give us a second thought) I just feel like it's something that will get better over time and they just need to readjust. The only problem with that thought process is that Grover is probably going to have to leave for ten days at the end of January after only being home for 7 weeks and there is no way to explain to a 3 and 4 year old that daddy won't be leaving for a long time this time.
Today I had all these thoughts shoved in my face and I had to attempt to explain them in a non blaming sort of fashion to my husband. On Tuesday, Lysander went into his classroom and didn't cry and was completely fine. Isaac sort of had an issue but it was the first day back from winter break and so I expected it. Today, I had a dentist appointment and Grover had to take them to school. I left about fifteen minutes before they did and I kissed all three of them goodbye and the boys both said "bye mama, love you" and it was fine. Grover went into Lysander's class first because that's what I normally do. Apparently Lysander cried today and didn't want Daddy to leave and some other little boy in the classroom called him a crybaby. The kid's dad was standing right there and told him to be quiet. Lysander didn't hear him so it didn't upset him. Grover on the other hand was upset about it. Not so much because the other little boy called our son a mean name, but because Grover thought he was right. He came home and I could tell something was bothering him. He told me about it and ended with Isaac going into his class and barely saying goodbye to him.
I suppose there are a hundred things I could say to him about this. Isaac is more attatched to me and when I'm there he cries. Lysander is less attatched to me and when it's just me dropping him off he doesn't cry as much. He's only four years old, it's not like he's in kindergarten crying for his daddy. That when he walks out the door, five seconds later Lysander is totally okay(which is true, I've been told that a hundred times, not only by his teachers but by other parents too). What it really comes down to though is the seperation anxiety. He has it, it's not easily fixed, mostly it's just over time he's going to learn to trust that daddy will come home and when he leaves it won't be for as long etc. It's not G's fault that Lysander has seperation anxiety directly. It's the nature of our lives and what we've chosen to do. Later on in life when we do another deployment or he has to go away for training, Lysander and Isaac will still be sad but at least will be able to understand and will be able to clearly express their emotions in a more normal way. For a four year old I think this is a completely normal reaction/adjustment to the events that have passed this past year. G doesn't quite understand, and couldn't really be expected to, because he wasn't here. He doesn't see the changes I see between when G was gone and now that he's come home. I completely see a different kid. He's more outgoing. He's talking more. He's just plain happier. So in my mind, all this justifies the crying at drop off for preschool.
Grover has always worried about Lysander. I have too, but I don't think nearly like Grover has. Probably because he sees a lot of himself in Lysander. He was an introverted kid too. The speech thing was scary at first but it's gotten better and he's in therapy with a wonderful woman who has done amazing things for him, so I don't worry as much anymore about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with him. He's a little over emotional sometimes but that is probably just me coming out in him. I tend to be at one extreme or the other. It's still hard though to have to try to explain how something has caused this specific situation with out sounding like I'm blaming him or making him feel bad for it.
At the end of when we were talking I told Grover that I'd much rather have a kid who cries 3/4 of the time when we drop him off than a little name calling asshole. G said he'd rather have the asshole. Must a venus v. mars thing! On the bright side though, Grover has been home for a little over a month, and basically this is the only readjustment we are having to work on. We could definitely have bigger problems than our kids loving us so much they don't want to leave us.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Happy New Year!!! 2012
On January 1st, my brother and Lindsey left to go back to North Carolina, I was sad to see them go, as I always am, but was so happy that they were here for so long and we got to celebrate the holidays and the new year with them. We spent New Years Day as a family not doing too much. The boys both were getting some sort of bug, so it was pretty quiet.
The next day Grover returned to work at Houlihan's and things started getting back to normal. He pretty much closes every day he works so he leaves around 3 or so. It's nice because we at least get to spend the day with him, but sucks because it's not like we always get up and do things early because he gets in so late from work. However, the first week of January I spent getting the kids back into a normal routine in preparation for going back to school. Grover didn't have a car the first four days he worked so I was basically chained to the house as he took mine. Friday was his day off and he went and bought a truck. It's really nice, black Avalanche. The boys thought it was cool too. So the first week of January passed with productivity on my part, happiness of being in a normal routine on the kids part and Grover getting back into the swing of going to work at a civilian job.
Yesterday the kids went back to school with no major meltdowns. In fact, Lysander walked right in and was really happy to be there. Isaac was less excited even though he was the one who had been asking us to go to school for days now. It was another smoothly productive day yesterday and in the evening I watched my best friend's kids, so the boys had a lot of fun playing with them. They even went to sleep right at 9 pm, so that was a REALLY happy event for me. I had a couple hours of quiet time and was asleep before midnight!
As I look into our future, I see the possibility of big changes on the horizon. I won't talk about it on here just yet but I think 2012 will be a turning point in our lives. I also have the distinct possiblity of my husband spending the vast majority of this year with us and not away from us. Every year since Lysander was born GJ has been gone for at least two months out of the year. I don't think we'll do more than like two weeks. Very exciting. :) So many things will happen this year and I'm excited for some, nervous for others, but happy to be going along on our journey. I guess this is the point where I inticingly say "Stay Tuned..... "
The next day Grover returned to work at Houlihan's and things started getting back to normal. He pretty much closes every day he works so he leaves around 3 or so. It's nice because we at least get to spend the day with him, but sucks because it's not like we always get up and do things early because he gets in so late from work. However, the first week of January I spent getting the kids back into a normal routine in preparation for going back to school. Grover didn't have a car the first four days he worked so I was basically chained to the house as he took mine. Friday was his day off and he went and bought a truck. It's really nice, black Avalanche. The boys thought it was cool too. So the first week of January passed with productivity on my part, happiness of being in a normal routine on the kids part and Grover getting back into the swing of going to work at a civilian job.
Yesterday the kids went back to school with no major meltdowns. In fact, Lysander walked right in and was really happy to be there. Isaac was less excited even though he was the one who had been asking us to go to school for days now. It was another smoothly productive day yesterday and in the evening I watched my best friend's kids, so the boys had a lot of fun playing with them. They even went to sleep right at 9 pm, so that was a REALLY happy event for me. I had a couple hours of quiet time and was asleep before midnight!
As I look into our future, I see the possibility of big changes on the horizon. I won't talk about it on here just yet but I think 2012 will be a turning point in our lives. I also have the distinct possiblity of my husband spending the vast majority of this year with us and not away from us. Every year since Lysander was born GJ has been gone for at least two months out of the year. I don't think we'll do more than like two weeks. Very exciting. :) So many things will happen this year and I'm excited for some, nervous for others, but happy to be going along on our journey. I guess this is the point where I inticingly say "Stay Tuned..... "
A recap of the end of 2011
I've had quite a busy month since I last wrote here. I was a little too consumed with living life to remember to write about it, so I'll recount as best as my memory can.
Grover got home on November 29th. They said that our soldiers would be arriving at 1 or something and three hours later they actually got there. That was a bitter sweet day. I was thrilled to see him in person and in America, but it was hard because it was only an hour long visit and it was in an airplane hanger, so not exactly comfortable. It was cool to see them all walk in, in formation, and of course be there cheering with the rest of the families who were all incredibly excited for the same reason I was. I decided not to take our sons to the welcome home ceremony because I thought it would be too hard for them and for Grover to only see one another for an hour and then have to say good bye again. He ended up having to be at Camp Atterbury from Wednesday to Sunday and then I picked him up Sunday around noon time. My mom watched the boys while I drove down there to get him and their reaction to him walking through the door was pretty priceless. My mom got it all on video so that's cool that we have that.
The first couple of weeks he was home were pretty chill. The first week we basically just spent together, just the four of us and did some stuff around the house and went to movies etc. The second week we made an effort to see all the families so that they could spend some time with Grover as well. That week was a lot busier than I had anticipated, so unfortunately it went by fast. Time does fly when you're living this crazy life. The third week was the week before Christmas. The boys had only one day of school that week and we a lot of things to do to get ready for Christmas. Luckily I had already wrapped most of the presents(I was very uncharacteristically prepared for Christmas this year) and we just needed to get food in and bake and clean because we were hosting Christmas Day this year at our house.
Friday night we had our first family Christmas with my mom's sisters and their families. It was an enjoyable evening. I rarely see them outside of the holidays so it's always nice to catch up in person rather than via facebook or texts. Friday night we went home and got the boys to bed and got as much as possible ready since we had to wake up at 6 am to get ready and to go to Grover's parent's house on Christmas Eve. We had breakfast there with them, and then we opened presents with his immediate family. There are a lot of them so gift opening always takes quite a bit of time. Then there was a little break and some of his extended family arrived. We had lunch and then opened gifts with the rest of his family. There was a lot of pool games and card games played the rest of the day and it was nice. Around five or so his family went to dinner and we came home to get ready for Christmas. We had a lot of cooking to do and my brother and his wife had gotten in to town on Friday and so they were meeting us at home after going to a Christmas Eve service at the Quaker Church we went to when we were younger. Cody and I went on a hunt for egg nog and liquor and then we all came home and got the Christmas presents and Santa presents ready. We did some pre baking/cooking as well in order to have some things ready for the next morning. Isaac has already turned in to the kid that can't sleep the night before Christmas. He wanted so badly to come downstairs and wait for Santa. It was so funny. It was every bit of midnight before he finally gave in and went to sleep so I ended up having to wake him up the next morning.
I was supposed to get up at 6 am on Christmas morning so I could shower before my mom and Fred and Rae got to the house but after gettting less than 6 hours of sleep friday night and not going to bed til 1 am on Saturday night I couldn't drag myself out of bed til 7:30. So my dream image of myself on Christmas morning got changed from showered and make up on, to no make up and my victoria's secret sweat pants and t-shirt. I'm pretty sure I did brush my teeth though! My mom was right on time Christmas morning which is something I was really proud of. When she got there and added all her Christmas presents to what Cody and Lindsey and Grover and I had already set up it was probably the most Christmas presents I have ever seen. Truly and amazing sight. Lysander woke up shortly there after and I went and woke up Isaac and they came down and went straight for the Santa toys. Santa doesn't wrap his gifts, he just sets them up so they are ready to play with.
We decided to do gifts first, which in hind sight, I won't do again. The boys were perfectly happy playing with Santa's gifts, I should have just done breakfast first. None the less, Cody and I got everyone in the living room and handed out all the gifts. For awhile we took turns opening up gifts, but then we kind of let that go and just all started opening other wise it would have taken well into the afternoon to finish. I think everyone was happy with their gifts. Lindsey's mom sent all her Christmas presents to our house for Cody and her and she even got stuff for the rest of our family, which was incredibly kind of her. Come to think of it, I still need to send her a thank you note for all of that. After gifts were finally done we went and had breakfast and then spent the majority of the day just playing with the boys and I was picking up and Cody and Grover and Lindsey and I took turns showering and getting ready. We had dinner around 4 or so. Grover made a great meal. There were things that Grover and I thought we'd do differently next time but everyone else was so complementary. :) I really enjoyed hosting a holiday here. It was really nice. I think my Mom and Fred enjoyed it to because it was more relaxing for them as they didn't have to do much but bring themselves and their gifts(of course the gifts are optional, we'd be happy with just them. That being said, I got an iPad and I LOVE IT)!!!! They all left in the evening time and we just cleaned and hung out. I was wiped out. It was a busy weekend and I was ready to go to bed at like 7 pm.
Monday we went up to my mom's for lunch and to hang out. We had some clothing we had to return on the way and got really cute pj's and a really cute outfit for the kids. We left the kids at my mom's for a bit and the four of us went and hit up express since Grover and I had like $350 collectively from his family in gift cards to there. They were having an after Christmas sale, so most of the clothing was 40-50% off. It was AMAZING!!! We bought $1000 worth of cloths and after the sale prices, and a $90 off email code I had, and the gift cards, we only spent $120 out of pocket. Mind you, $1000 worth of express cloths was only like 13 items. But one of them was a really nice winter coat for GJ and that was $300 originally too. How do you pass on half off of a $300 coat?! ;) It was probably one of the best shopping trips I've ever made and I definitely made a note to make sure I hit up after Christmas sales from now on!
On Wednesday we went to our last family Christmas with Grover's other side of the family. It was a very nice evening with some good food and company. I had an upset stomach that day but I rallied by the night and we had a good time. The boys were very excited about their Christmas presents. We were of course very thankful for ours, but I was excited to give my gifts as well. Which was truly the case with all of our families. I was much more excited to give my gifts than to recieve. I'm sure that's just a part of getting older, but I work really hard every year when I got out and try to buy things I think everyone will truly like and use and will mean something. Not to mention the amount of time it takes to wrap all those meaningful gifts! When we got home Wednesday night I had a profound sense of relief because I had managed to do it all, and the holiday season was over.
Thursday night I went with my mom and Lindsey to my Mom's girls night with the ladies from her office. It was at my mom's work daughter's house(she's therefore my work sister) It was lovely and the food was excellent and there was a great desert too. They did a gift exchange and it was fun. My poor little brother got sick that day though and it kind of ruined the rest of his vacation. He ended up having to go to the hospital and they gave him some pain meds but said it was a virus he'd just have to fight through. He did rally for New Year's Eve. We went to get sushi just the four of us while the boys hung out at my mom's. We went to pick them up and then Cody and Lindsey came back to our house. We had some drinks and my best friend came over and we were pretty laid back. Midnight came and it was 2012 and I was just so happy. 2011 was over and I really could feel the sense of a fresh start and a change and all the possibilities this year holds.
Grover got home on November 29th. They said that our soldiers would be arriving at 1 or something and three hours later they actually got there. That was a bitter sweet day. I was thrilled to see him in person and in America, but it was hard because it was only an hour long visit and it was in an airplane hanger, so not exactly comfortable. It was cool to see them all walk in, in formation, and of course be there cheering with the rest of the families who were all incredibly excited for the same reason I was. I decided not to take our sons to the welcome home ceremony because I thought it would be too hard for them and for Grover to only see one another for an hour and then have to say good bye again. He ended up having to be at Camp Atterbury from Wednesday to Sunday and then I picked him up Sunday around noon time. My mom watched the boys while I drove down there to get him and their reaction to him walking through the door was pretty priceless. My mom got it all on video so that's cool that we have that.
The first couple of weeks he was home were pretty chill. The first week we basically just spent together, just the four of us and did some stuff around the house and went to movies etc. The second week we made an effort to see all the families so that they could spend some time with Grover as well. That week was a lot busier than I had anticipated, so unfortunately it went by fast. Time does fly when you're living this crazy life. The third week was the week before Christmas. The boys had only one day of school that week and we a lot of things to do to get ready for Christmas. Luckily I had already wrapped most of the presents(I was very uncharacteristically prepared for Christmas this year) and we just needed to get food in and bake and clean because we were hosting Christmas Day this year at our house.
Friday night we had our first family Christmas with my mom's sisters and their families. It was an enjoyable evening. I rarely see them outside of the holidays so it's always nice to catch up in person rather than via facebook or texts. Friday night we went home and got the boys to bed and got as much as possible ready since we had to wake up at 6 am to get ready and to go to Grover's parent's house on Christmas Eve. We had breakfast there with them, and then we opened presents with his immediate family. There are a lot of them so gift opening always takes quite a bit of time. Then there was a little break and some of his extended family arrived. We had lunch and then opened gifts with the rest of his family. There was a lot of pool games and card games played the rest of the day and it was nice. Around five or so his family went to dinner and we came home to get ready for Christmas. We had a lot of cooking to do and my brother and his wife had gotten in to town on Friday and so they were meeting us at home after going to a Christmas Eve service at the Quaker Church we went to when we were younger. Cody and I went on a hunt for egg nog and liquor and then we all came home and got the Christmas presents and Santa presents ready. We did some pre baking/cooking as well in order to have some things ready for the next morning. Isaac has already turned in to the kid that can't sleep the night before Christmas. He wanted so badly to come downstairs and wait for Santa. It was so funny. It was every bit of midnight before he finally gave in and went to sleep so I ended up having to wake him up the next morning.
I was supposed to get up at 6 am on Christmas morning so I could shower before my mom and Fred and Rae got to the house but after gettting less than 6 hours of sleep friday night and not going to bed til 1 am on Saturday night I couldn't drag myself out of bed til 7:30. So my dream image of myself on Christmas morning got changed from showered and make up on, to no make up and my victoria's secret sweat pants and t-shirt. I'm pretty sure I did brush my teeth though! My mom was right on time Christmas morning which is something I was really proud of. When she got there and added all her Christmas presents to what Cody and Lindsey and Grover and I had already set up it was probably the most Christmas presents I have ever seen. Truly and amazing sight. Lysander woke up shortly there after and I went and woke up Isaac and they came down and went straight for the Santa toys. Santa doesn't wrap his gifts, he just sets them up so they are ready to play with.
We decided to do gifts first, which in hind sight, I won't do again. The boys were perfectly happy playing with Santa's gifts, I should have just done breakfast first. None the less, Cody and I got everyone in the living room and handed out all the gifts. For awhile we took turns opening up gifts, but then we kind of let that go and just all started opening other wise it would have taken well into the afternoon to finish. I think everyone was happy with their gifts. Lindsey's mom sent all her Christmas presents to our house for Cody and her and she even got stuff for the rest of our family, which was incredibly kind of her. Come to think of it, I still need to send her a thank you note for all of that. After gifts were finally done we went and had breakfast and then spent the majority of the day just playing with the boys and I was picking up and Cody and Grover and Lindsey and I took turns showering and getting ready. We had dinner around 4 or so. Grover made a great meal. There were things that Grover and I thought we'd do differently next time but everyone else was so complementary. :) I really enjoyed hosting a holiday here. It was really nice. I think my Mom and Fred enjoyed it to because it was more relaxing for them as they didn't have to do much but bring themselves and their gifts(of course the gifts are optional, we'd be happy with just them. That being said, I got an iPad and I LOVE IT)!!!! They all left in the evening time and we just cleaned and hung out. I was wiped out. It was a busy weekend and I was ready to go to bed at like 7 pm.
Monday we went up to my mom's for lunch and to hang out. We had some clothing we had to return on the way and got really cute pj's and a really cute outfit for the kids. We left the kids at my mom's for a bit and the four of us went and hit up express since Grover and I had like $350 collectively from his family in gift cards to there. They were having an after Christmas sale, so most of the clothing was 40-50% off. It was AMAZING!!! We bought $1000 worth of cloths and after the sale prices, and a $90 off email code I had, and the gift cards, we only spent $120 out of pocket. Mind you, $1000 worth of express cloths was only like 13 items. But one of them was a really nice winter coat for GJ and that was $300 originally too. How do you pass on half off of a $300 coat?! ;) It was probably one of the best shopping trips I've ever made and I definitely made a note to make sure I hit up after Christmas sales from now on!
On Wednesday we went to our last family Christmas with Grover's other side of the family. It was a very nice evening with some good food and company. I had an upset stomach that day but I rallied by the night and we had a good time. The boys were very excited about their Christmas presents. We were of course very thankful for ours, but I was excited to give my gifts as well. Which was truly the case with all of our families. I was much more excited to give my gifts than to recieve. I'm sure that's just a part of getting older, but I work really hard every year when I got out and try to buy things I think everyone will truly like and use and will mean something. Not to mention the amount of time it takes to wrap all those meaningful gifts! When we got home Wednesday night I had a profound sense of relief because I had managed to do it all, and the holiday season was over.
Thursday night I went with my mom and Lindsey to my Mom's girls night with the ladies from her office. It was at my mom's work daughter's house(she's therefore my work sister) It was lovely and the food was excellent and there was a great desert too. They did a gift exchange and it was fun. My poor little brother got sick that day though and it kind of ruined the rest of his vacation. He ended up having to go to the hospital and they gave him some pain meds but said it was a virus he'd just have to fight through. He did rally for New Year's Eve. We went to get sushi just the four of us while the boys hung out at my mom's. We went to pick them up and then Cody and Lindsey came back to our house. We had some drinks and my best friend came over and we were pretty laid back. Midnight came and it was 2012 and I was just so happy. 2011 was over and I really could feel the sense of a fresh start and a change and all the possibilities this year holds.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)