I don't feel like going back through these posts to see how much I've written about the boys and preschool this year. I'm sure some, but it's been sort of interesting. Today I was told something that made me kind of evaluate my kids a little and also made me wonder how on earth I'm qualified to evaluate my kids at all?! I know there's like a "mommy instinct" and while most of the time I totally trust mine, sometimes it's hard to know for sure I'm right.
So basically for 3/4 of this school year Lysander has cried when I dropped him off at school. Isaac did not in the beginning but then started to after G left from R&R, stopped after awhile, and then started again when G got home. It's been a roller coaster of emotion for them about going to preschool. Quick mention: Lysander cried for maybe the first couple of week last year and then stopped and was fine until G left for leave, cried for a couple weeks again and then stopped and was fine.
My "mommy instincts" say this... They have big time seperation anxiety. Directly as a result from G leaving so much basically for all of their lives. When Lysander was a baby, and I was pregnant with Isaac, G left for two months to do training for Houlihan's. 2009 there wasn't much of him leaving except for his two weeks in the summer, but then in 2010 he was gone for four months for military training, and of course then in 2011 he was basically never home the month of February. The kids saw him for maybe a few minutes at night. Then in March he left for six weeks after a five day leave, and then came home for four days and was gone until basically September. Home for 15 day leave and then left again until December. Honestly, I don't think about it much. I mean, to me, it's an almost four year span now of him leaving to go do different things career wise. When you put it all down in writing like that, it seems like much more of an upheavel in the boys' lives. Though I feel bad that they cry when we leave(and honestly, it's not all of the time. sometimes they don't even give us a second thought) I just feel like it's something that will get better over time and they just need to readjust. The only problem with that thought process is that Grover is probably going to have to leave for ten days at the end of January after only being home for 7 weeks and there is no way to explain to a 3 and 4 year old that daddy won't be leaving for a long time this time.
Today I had all these thoughts shoved in my face and I had to attempt to explain them in a non blaming sort of fashion to my husband. On Tuesday, Lysander went into his classroom and didn't cry and was completely fine. Isaac sort of had an issue but it was the first day back from winter break and so I expected it. Today, I had a dentist appointment and Grover had to take them to school. I left about fifteen minutes before they did and I kissed all three of them goodbye and the boys both said "bye mama, love you" and it was fine. Grover went into Lysander's class first because that's what I normally do. Apparently Lysander cried today and didn't want Daddy to leave and some other little boy in the classroom called him a crybaby. The kid's dad was standing right there and told him to be quiet. Lysander didn't hear him so it didn't upset him. Grover on the other hand was upset about it. Not so much because the other little boy called our son a mean name, but because Grover thought he was right. He came home and I could tell something was bothering him. He told me about it and ended with Isaac going into his class and barely saying goodbye to him.
I suppose there are a hundred things I could say to him about this. Isaac is more attatched to me and when I'm there he cries. Lysander is less attatched to me and when it's just me dropping him off he doesn't cry as much. He's only four years old, it's not like he's in kindergarten crying for his daddy. That when he walks out the door, five seconds later Lysander is totally okay(which is true, I've been told that a hundred times, not only by his teachers but by other parents too). What it really comes down to though is the seperation anxiety. He has it, it's not easily fixed, mostly it's just over time he's going to learn to trust that daddy will come home and when he leaves it won't be for as long etc. It's not G's fault that Lysander has seperation anxiety directly. It's the nature of our lives and what we've chosen to do. Later on in life when we do another deployment or he has to go away for training, Lysander and Isaac will still be sad but at least will be able to understand and will be able to clearly express their emotions in a more normal way. For a four year old I think this is a completely normal reaction/adjustment to the events that have passed this past year. G doesn't quite understand, and couldn't really be expected to, because he wasn't here. He doesn't see the changes I see between when G was gone and now that he's come home. I completely see a different kid. He's more outgoing. He's talking more. He's just plain happier. So in my mind, all this justifies the crying at drop off for preschool.
Grover has always worried about Lysander. I have too, but I don't think nearly like Grover has. Probably because he sees a lot of himself in Lysander. He was an introverted kid too. The speech thing was scary at first but it's gotten better and he's in therapy with a wonderful woman who has done amazing things for him, so I don't worry as much anymore about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with him. He's a little over emotional sometimes but that is probably just me coming out in him. I tend to be at one extreme or the other. It's still hard though to have to try to explain how something has caused this specific situation with out sounding like I'm blaming him or making him feel bad for it.
At the end of when we were talking I told Grover that I'd much rather have a kid who cries 3/4 of the time when we drop him off than a little name calling asshole. G said he'd rather have the asshole. Must a venus v. mars thing! On the bright side though, Grover has been home for a little over a month, and basically this is the only readjustment we are having to work on. We could definitely have bigger problems than our kids loving us so much they don't want to leave us.
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