Bad Byes

"There's nothing good about a goodbye. It's a very poorly named ritual. It was a bad bye. A very bad bye." -Rory on Gilmore Girls

Four day passes might as well be called fly by passes. I felt like Monday came in a blink of an eye. A New York minute. It was more like a dream than he was really here with us for four whole days. All of a sudden, it was 3:45 pm and we were on our way to the airport. I am sick and emotional and crying. Then we're there and he's getting out of the car and I've completely lost it. I'm standing on the curb of the airport with my D&G sunglasses on not at all hiding the fact that I'm sobbing watching my husband say goodbye to my boys. Of coruse because he's got his military duffel and camo backpack, everyone knows that he's in the army and is staring at us. Now you'd think possibly that I'd be touched by their concern or whatever, but basically I'm just pissed and wish they'd look the f*%k away because I HATE crying in general, let alone in public. So he goes in to the airport and I turn up the movie for the petites and they calm down and I continue to cry as I drive myself to the Urgent Care because my throat feels like sharpened white hot coals have been drug down the back of it and I can no longer take the pain.

This is where it gets really horrifying, at least for myself. I walk in to the Urgent care and I am still choked up trying to keep it together, walk up and sign in and the guy remembers that I had called earlier to make sure that they took our insurance and asked if they were busy around that time because I'd be at the airport anyway. And he ASKS IF I GOT MY HUSBAND TO THE AIRPORT OKAY. To which I nod because I really start to cry all over again. Then I fill out the paperwork while the boys run around the waiting room and the five other people stare at me with wonder at what is wrong with me, and laugh at the boys. I go up again and another girl is taking the paper work and asks if I'm okay and I literally can not speak to answer her. So like after an eternity I choke out that my husband just got on a plane to deploy and she's practically in tears watching me and immediately ushers me back to a room with the boys so I'm not bawling my eyes out in the waiting room.

On a good note, because I was a PATHETIC hot mess, the nurse came in immediately, the doctor came in immediately, we were in and out of there before the other five people in the waiting room even had gone back. I truly appreciated their kindness, even though I was more embarrassed than I've ever been in my life. I absolutely do not cry very often, and NEVER in public, so this really was that uncontrollably kind of crying, because had I been able to control it, I would have never started! Oh and I was told I had strep throat. I was thanking God though that she wrote me a prescription and I could see a light at the end of a tunnel.

As I'm driving home I call my best friend because she had text me earlier in the day and told me to call if I needed to talk because she's incredibly considerate, and must have known I'd fall apart more than even I did. So I'm hysterical on the phone with her and she is patient with me, and gets me to calm down before I get home so I don't freak out my mom who is waiting for us. We get home and I turn around and get my prescription and some chicken broth and all kinds of other stuff that I didn't actually need(although who passes up 99 cent nail polish... I only have like two different colors of nail polish because I don't typically do my own nails) As I'm in the Walgreens, I am getting these texts from Grover... "flights delayed" "going to miss my connection" "Dallas is closed" "Chicago is grounded" I'm kind of freaking out for him because I know he's stressed about getting back there on time. So I get home and I about collapse on the couch and my mom cleans my kitchen, which if you are ever looking to do something nice for me, clean my kitchen because I feel calmer when my kitchen is clean, and she gives me chicken broth and then just sits with me for a few minutes.

Then all of a sudden I get a text... "You might as well head this way, I'm not getting out until tomorrow"

OH MY GOSH HE IS COMING BACK HOME!!!

I kind of immediately felt better because I was going to go get my husband back for another night!! :) Honest to God, all that horrifying emotional out breaks and he's not even leaving and I'm going to see him again. Of course I sprint out the door, mom stays with the boys and I go back and get him. Incredibly happy. He was thrilled. Nothing you can do about bad weather and closed down airports... but sometimes it's a REALLY happy thing and this time was one of them.

We had a great night, and I woke up today feeling much better. I stayed on a high for a long time today that I got more time with him and the boys did too. They were really sad to say goodbye, but I managed to keep my shit together the second time around. Mind you, about 7:30 tonight I had a good cry, but I was alone, in my bathroom and that is the only time I feel comfortable to really cry my heart out. :)

As the quote says at the top(won't be the last Gilmore Girls quote, so get ready) Good byes are not good. Good byes are bad. They suck and I hate it. Everything that is the equivilant sucks as well... see you later, catch ya on the flip side, b'bye... whatever, nothing is happy about leaving someone you love. I'm already starting to feel better. Writing about it all is cathartic. I'll be just fine. In fact I'm sure that I will go to bed at some point tonight and wake up tomorrow feeling much more normal. Not 100%, because that won't happen until he's home again. I'm glad that I can be logical enough to know that I'll be better, helps me when I don't feel it yet.

So for now I'm going to watch some mindless tv, until the boys get tired and I get tired. Tomorrow will start a new and I am looking forward to it.