Monday, November 28, 2011

Ending

March 26, 2011 is when I started this blog. I am not ending it tonight, but the reson for beginning it will be over in about 15 or so hours. I went back and read my first post, noting that I said I was going to write every day... that worked out real well! Grover has been gone 287 days and I have written 46, now 47, times.

In the ending of this seperation, I'm feeling very very lucky that first of all, we made it through. Second of all that it was cut short by a few months and we will be back together earlier than I orginally thought. Yesterday was my birthday. I was on edge all day because I knew my husband was supposed to be leaving Iraq. I was desperate to know that he was finally gone. At 10 pm when I was finally drifting off to sleep my phone rang and I heard my husband say the words I had been waiting to hear. "I'm on my way home." Best birthday present ever!!!!

Today I made sure to keep myself busy and the boys managed to keep me really busy as well. Isaac has an ear infection and had to go to the dr, then had to go the pharmacy, then had to go to Walmart to get an oil change and also to get snack for preschool tomorrow. Right now I should be more than asleep but I'm like a child on Christmas Eve. :) I'll be up at the crack of dawn I'm sure, get ready, take the boys to school. Oddly I have to go get my driver's license renewed tomorrow. I'm super happy about that though so I can get a new picture on the damn thing. The old one I swear to you I look horrifying!

I'm not taking the boys to the welcome home ceremony. They will stay at the house with my sister. I don't think GJ could take having to tell them goodbye for the millionth time this year. So I'll go with a few family members and then after it's over he'll go to demob at the base down south and I'll be able to pick him up sometime this weekend. I think I'm going to make it a surprise for the boys. I'll have my mom stay with them and then I'll pick him up. I know she wants to see the boys reaction when they see him come home. I'm sure it'll be priceless.

For now I'm going to do my best to shut my eyes and go to sleep. That way at least 7 more hours will be gone and I will be that much closer to finally seeing G on US soil. Which will probably be one of the best days of my life.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Marriage

I was just reading headlines on yahoo.com and looking at what was trending and one of the top ten trending items was "gay marriage". I didn't read the article. It was something about California and making gay marriage legal or keeping it illegal or whatever.

I don't need to read the article because whatever it says won't change my opinion on it. I am outraged. Beyond belief. That we are still having this conversation. I can not believe that STILL there is some debate about whether or not gay couples should be married. It is such a simple answer and it blows my mind the money that has to be wasted, the time, the energy, the resources, that go into an arguement that is so ludacris. Here is the answer.

Love is Love.

Why on earth anyone should be told whether or not they can marry totally blows my mind. I understand that there are some religions who won't acknowledge gay marriage. I don't agree with that, but I don't agree with all aspects of religious beliefs anyway. However, legally, from the government stand point, I wish I could fathom why it matters if a woman and man marry, or if a man and man marry or if a woman and woman marry. In essence marriage according to the state is a contract, no? I mean truly, you're tying yourself to a person financially really, and I suppose being responsible for them as well, should anything happen to them. Good or bad, what's mine is yours and if we ever decide to end this thing, we are both responsible to figure out finances. I take care of you, you take care of me, we split what possessions and cash we have, that's that. Of course children make it more complicated when it comes to divorce, but still, it involves financing those children and taking care of them. All that is beside the point though really, because most people don't enter in to a marriage expecting to get a divorce.

My point is, when it comes to the eyes of the state, or the country, what do they really care about who is marrying who? If there truly is seperation of church and state, then why is this such an arguement within the states? To be honest about it, I pretty much feel the same way about poligamy. Who cares if a man has more than one wife so long as financially they are not cheating anyone out of anything? If you don't cheat on your taxes, or cheat the health care system, what the hell does it matter? So long as everyone is consenting adults?

Now, I'm not gay, and I absolutely couldn't ever be a poligamist(still, I don't feel there's anything really wrong with it as long as everyone is an adult and freely enters into it. I'm just too selfish to share my husband) but I just don't see the reason for telling people who love eachother that they can not marry one another. I don't know what the exact divorce rate is in this country, but I'm pretty sure at one time it was something like 51%. Really then, it's not like the one man and one woman thing are some kind of stellar roll model for the next generation.

I know that all that may really offend some people. I absolutely do not mean to offend anyone. If, because of your religion or own personal morals you do not agree with what I just said, that is completely okay with me. I respect everyone's right to their opinion. I just don't think it's any one person's place, and certainly not the government's place, to impose their morals on to others and say that they are not allowed to legally bind themselves to whom they chose.

Again, Love is Love. With all the tragic things that happen on a daily basis, with all the hate... adding a little more love into the world is never a bad thing. I hope that by the time my children are grown up enough to understand this type of thing, they will say something like, "mama, I can't believe you're old enough to have been alive when gay marriage was illegal."

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Harry Potter

I just finished watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 with my children. It was the first time they had seen the last movie, as I thought it was a bit too intense to see in theaters for them. It's extraordinary, absolutely extraordinary that these movies have spanned an entire decade. I was thinking as the credits were rolling and Lysander was high fiving me saying "we won we won!" about how the past decade of my life I've read the books and seen the movies, and how different my life was ten years ago when all of this started.

I started reading the books my junior year of high school. My etymology teacher, Miss Burrell at the time(now Mrs. Carson) had a Harry Potter movie poster in her classroom and told us all we should read the books. So I started reading the first one and then my mom bought me the first four in hardback for my birthday. I remember going to see the first movie with my mom and two of my best girlfriends. I think the second movie I saw with my mom and those same friends. By the time the third movie came out I was in college and I'm pretty sure I saw it with the guy I was dating at the time. The fourth movie was the first one I saw at a midnight showing. It was right before I turned 21 and I had just started dating the man who would eventually be my husband. I saw the 4th one three times in a 24 hour period because I had that many different friends I was asked to go see it with.

The fifth movie I also saw at midnight... and I was also 8 months pregnant with my first son. I saw it with a girlfriend of mine because Grover, who had become my husband between the fourth and fifth movies, had also become a Soldier in the United States Army and was away at Basic Training and AIT. The longest stretch of time between movies was between the fifth and sixth  movie, and that's easy for me to remember because by the time the sixth movie came out, I had already had Isaac, and Lysander was old(ish) enough to go see it in theaters and it was his first "cinematic adventure"(which is a Dane Cook reference and I kept saying that for like a month before we went to see it and I was totally bummed because the only person I know who would have thought that was really funny was my brother. I couldn't tell him because he was away at boot camp. He had joined the United States Marine Corp).

Having already read all the books, I knew that there was no way I was going to take the kids to see the last Harry Potter in theaters. It's a lot darker, but really that is the point of the series. It starts out very lighthearted, and very easy for a younger reader to get into. I was a bit old, admittedly, when I started reading the first one, but there's something about all of these books, that no matter what age you are when you start, you can identify. JK Rowling somehow manages to take you back to when you were the age of the main characters. She writes so in depthly and the story flows so effortlessly that it just envelopes you in her magical world. Of course, if you've read the books before seeing the movies, you can't help but be critical of the movies, but I learned to look at them as two seperate entites. The movies are just what they say, an adaptation.

So the book, what turned into two movies. Grover and I and my sister saw the first part together. This was the first movie I had drank before I watched. We were a little tipsy... but we had a lot of fun. This was also the last movie I would see in theaters with Grover because a few months after it came out, he went on his first deployment to Iraq. So when the second part of the movie came out, I saw it with my mom(which was fitting because we started this journey together) and my sister and my aunt and cousin. We went to a  midnight showing as per usual by this point. It was fun and I was happy, though a little sad, as I always am when I do something fun, that Grover wasn't there to see it with me. Also I should add that I wish I could have seen it with the two girlfriends, Lindsey and Chelsea, who I saw the first movie with, but unfortunately we've all got these stupid "adult" lives going on now and it's really hard for us to all get together. I really wanted to see Britney Spears with them when she was in concert this summer too, but days before that happened Lindsey had to go off to law school and Chelsea lives out of state now too, sothat didn't happen either.... but I digress ;)

Tonight as I watched the movies, partly through myself and partly through my children's eyes, we laughed and I cried a few times and I thought, what a powerfully good message this has for my kids. How grateful I am to JK Rowling for imagining this world and these characters, so I could read them and learn from them and love them, and then pass that along to the next generation, my sons, who now love the movies and when old enough, will adore the books. Even at the end of the movie, when it was the "19 years later" scene, I could still identify with the characters. They had grown older(older than I am now though, I just want to make that very clear) and had children. In the books she beautifully wrote the epilouge and transformed the characters from their teenage selves to their adult parent selves. In the movie, it was amazing to see these actors aged through makeup but also really bring to life the love that parents have for their children and how watching them go off on their own is a bittersweet thing to do.

It may sound corny to say that a book series and a movie series has effected your life, or been a big part of your life. However, I know I am not the only person who feels this way, I'd say the billions of others who have seen these movies and read these books and stuck with it from beginning to end have very similar feelings to mine. I am positive that it will continue to be a big part of my life as my children grow and read the books and watch the movies, and their children do the same. It will stand the test of time, undoubtedly. I'd just like to end here and one more time say, Thank you JK Rowling for giving me and my sons and the world seven amazing novels set in such a magical world.

It's November!!

On November 1st, I got super excited because I thought "this is the month my husband is leaving Iraq!" Technically he won't be home until December, but still, it will be a load off my mind just to have him leaving the country. I'm still so excited and I get more excited as every day passes. However, I do feel as if this is a bit of a slow moving month. Every month that he's been gone I've been desperate to have a quiet relaxing month where I'm not constantly busy doing things. Of course it would be the month before he gets home that I finally get my wish and I don't have a lot going on so I feel as if time is moving at a slower pace. This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt to me that God does have a sense of humor. :)

I suppose it's really just the first three weeks that we don't have much going on. A few appointments here and there, and of course preschool and speech therapy, but that's about it. That's why next weekend I'm going to put up the Christmas tree. The week of Thanksgiving is SUPER busy. And then I only have a couple weeks until GJ is actually home. And in between those two weeks I get to see him when he gets back to Indiana before he goes into demob. I don't think I'm going to take the boys with me to see him that time though. They would just be confused about why they only get to see him for an hour and then go four more days without seeing him. Might as well save myself the heartbreak as well as them. A pack of wild animals couldn't keep me from meeting him for an hour at Stout Field when they get in ;)

So the first 12 days of November, not hugely exciting. But at least I'll be well rested when G gets home! Down to less than a month! Soooooooo happy about that!

Halloween at Preschool

Since last year I did Lysander's Halloween party at school, this year I went to Isaac's. Isaac has the same teachers that Lysander did last year and the party was pretty much exactly the same. I had a pretty good time but I swear Isaac is probably a million times more well behaved normally than the day I was there. Truly, I thought the little stations were kind of boring too, but there's not a whole lot you can do with 2 and 3 year olds. Still, I'd say they could cut the stations in half and then there wouldn't be 15 matching games in a row. Here are a few pictures I managed to take while I was there.





That last activity they did was so simple. One of the teachers threw a bucket full of foam cut outs of ghosts, bats and pumpkins into the air and the kids collected them. I swear, I will start doing that with my kids at home!

Happy Halloween!!

I really was looking forward to trick or treating this year. We always go up to my mom's house to trick or treat. Not a big deal in downtown Indianapolis. In fact, I don't even know of anywhere to trick or treat at downtown! So we went up there and I got the boys in their costumes. Lysander was Optimus Prime and Isaac was Bumblebee from Transformers. (side note here, I love the Transformers movies, but it's really aggrivating for me that they like the Transformers now bc of course they want the toys and you have to have a Phd from MIT to be able to transform those stupid toys)


When trick or treating started we went out with Fred. My mom went last year, apparently they are taking turns. I knew that this year would probably be the last year that I could get away with only going out for 30-45 minutes. Next year they are going to want to go out the entire time and I'm going to have to have a cocktail to make it through!
The first house they were a little hesitant about, but then once they got the hang of it, they were off and running and thought it was the greatest thing ever!
I didn't even want to go up to this house because clowns scare the hell out of me, but they weren't phased even in the slightest!

However, Lysander did sprint on out of there after he got his candy!


This house took a little convincing to get them to go up to. They had spooky music and flashing lights and when she opened up the door it was dark inside and smoke poured out. I thought it was awesome,but her whole house must have filled with smoke!

Isaac went after his big brother checked it out and made sure it was okay.


Like I said, thankfully, after going for about a half hour they were ready to go back and eat pizza. We ate pizza and then they played with playdoh. I wanted to watch Scared Shrekless but no one else had any desire to. I was totally exhausted and it got late really quick so we left about 9 or so. The boys both passed out completely in the car on the way home and didn't even wake up when I brought them in and put them in their jammies. I always know it's been a good day when they come all the way in and get changed without even slightly opening their eyes :) Spoooooooky!

Trip to Florida

The weekend before Halloween, my best friend and I got on a plane to go spend five days celebrating her 30th birthday down in Florida with her family.

Her parents have the most beautiful condo on the Isle of Capri, between Marco and Naples. It was astounding walking in to their condo. Beautifully decorated and very spacious. It has a gorgeous linei(I have no idea how to spell that, but it means deck that looks on to water, I'd like to start calling my porch that, regardless of the lack of water because I like saying that word) The room we slept in has a king sized bed that was THE MOST COMFORTABLE thing I've EVER slept in. I love that bed, and thinking about it makes me a little sad because I miss it.

When we flew in, Stef's mom picked us up, and we went to the biggest outlet mall I've ever seen. It was closing shortly after we got there so we just hit a few shops and then went to dinner. Definitely a good way to kick off our weekend. We went back to the condo and pretty much just curled up in the fabulous bed and watched tv til we passed out. The next day was Stef's actual birthday, so we drove to Delray Beach and met her brother and sister in law at the Marriot there. It was a gorgeous hotel. We had a view of the ocean from our room.


 We went and had lunch and then Stef's mom had booked her and I massages that afternoon. I honestly was so relaxed after that massage I could have passed out for the rest of the day. But we went to Stef's parent's room and they had gotten her a cake and she opened up presents and we all had drinks and then we went down to the pool to sit out in the sun for a bit. After awhile Stef and I went upstairs and spent two hours getting ready for the night. We had a champagne toast to Stef before we went to dinner and then we made our way out.


We had the most amazing dinner at a restaurant called Prime. It was a steak and sushi place. Hand to God, some of the best food I've ever had. The sushi was amazing and we had some appetizers that were to die for.

This is all of us at dinner. Our waiter took this photo and I really wish we would have thought to get a picture of him. When we introduced himself he said his name and then also that some people like to call him Robert Downey Jr. I hadn't really looked at him when he said that, but when I looked up, I could have died, he looked EXACTLY like Robert Downey Jr. Like, had I seen him on the street, I would have thought it was the actor. It was amazing.



We spent the rest of the night at two different bars. The first was called the Office I think. It was pretty cool, very hip. It was a restaurant too, but there was standing room at the bar. I have to break here to say that Stef' sister in law is pregnant, and she was totally awesome the whole night. When I was pregnant, there is NO way I would have gone out with a bunch of people intent on getting drunk. But she was more than a trooper, she actually enjoyed herself. I wish I was that kind of selfless. ;)

The second place we went to was a bar called Caliente. It had 275 different kinds of Tequila. It was a pretty awesome little club, but the DJ kinda sucked. He was playing great music, but he would only play like 30 seconds of each song. His "mixing" left a little to be desired. We stayed there for awhile, but eventually grew tired of it, and decided to head back to the hotel. There weren't too many places that were non smoking for Stef's sister in law, so we just headed back to the room.

The rest of the weekend we did pretty much three things. Shopping, laying out by the pool, and eating. We went back to Stef's parents' condo the day after her birthday. It really was a perfect vacation. No time constraints, no worries, just relaxing. I missed the kids and I know she missed hers too, but it was much needed after a very stressful year for both of us. We definitely came back with WAY more than we went there with. It was hilarious how much stuff we had in our suitcases. Stef had to take some out and put some of it in our carry ons to make sure hers was under 50 lbs!

 So that was our jaunt down to Florida. I had a great time and I'm so glad I was there to celebrate my best friend's 30th birthday. May this be her best decade yet. I love you mama!! :)


Monday, October 17, 2011

Dan Wheldon

So many times today the tragic death of Dan Wheldon has popped in to my head. I'm really not one to obsess about sad events in the world. I care and include in my prayers the people who are involved, but normally I don't get too freaked out by things. I just can't stop thinking about how sad it is that this young husband, and father of two little boys died so suddenly yesterday.

Of course I know exactly WHY I can't stop thinking about his wife and sons. I have been standing on the brink of being that woman for the last six months. I absolutely do NOT dwell on this, but I am perfectly clear that at any given moment someone could show up here to tell me that my life and my son's lives will never be the same. I don't think about it much because it's terrifying to think about. I have no idea how I'd truly react to it. I'm sure that I would fall off one edge or the other. I'd either break down completely or I wouldn't be able to deal with it at all on an emotional level. I'd like to think at first I would just get affairs in order and take care of our life and our sons and not break down... but I also can see how easy it would be to totally shut down and not be able to do anything but cry and lay in bed.

As I let myself think about it, just for the purpose of writing this, I really hope I could do a balance of both. When something so tragic, so unimaginable happens, you know the person who is gone would not want you to be sad and inconsolable, just as if it was you, you would want people to be okay and eventually go on with life. I suppose the best way to honor someone is to continue on with your life and do all the things that that person would want you to do and to have and to experience.

The only comfort I can see for Dan Wheldon's wife is that her husband left a truly good legacy for his sons. I'm not a big racing fan, but being that I live in Indianapolis, I know who two time Indy 500 winner Dan Wheldon is. Whenever the news would talk about him it would always be to say what a good person he was, a good father, and an asset to the sport. There will be no end to the stories his young sons will grow up hearing and a plethera of news coverage and video and pictures of their father. Hopefully on some level they will feel like they knew him. When it comes to my sons, on a subconcious level I know I take a million pictures and write in this blog and write in a journal to them and make scrapbooks and make sure that they know and are close to my close friends and family so that if there was ever a time I or Grover wasn't there for them, they would know exactly how much we love them and would have more than enough access to information about who we are and what we believed in.

As sad as this man's death was, it reinforces to me that there is not always tomorrow. That every day I will tell my kids and husband and family that I love them and to enjoy every moment of our journey through life. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Lysander's 4th Birthday

Okay, the terrible twos suck... the horrifying threes suck WAY worse. So I had a 2 year old and a 3 year old up until this past Sunday... when Lysander finally turned 4!!! I swear, over night he turned in to the sweetest, most loving, and well behaved little boy!! Of course that could have something to do with the awesome party he was thrown on his birthday ;)

I woke up feeling AWFUL. Thank goodness Stef came over super early to help  me out with everything AND she brought drugs with her left over from her cold so I got through the day without dying. We finished getting the house cleaned up and then decorated and finished food. My mom got here and brought the rest of what we needed and the party started.

Lysander is my kid who is not into crowds for very long. He does it for as long as he can and then he needs some quiet. So I rushed the party along a bit so that he could get through everything before he got crabby. First everyone ate. Of course Lysander didn't want to eat the pulled pork that I made because he liked it, so all the kids had hotdogs. As soon as everyone was done eating, I immediately did presents since he had been asking for them since the first one had been set on the table.


This is only from my mom and Stef and this was when Lysander started wanting to open them!

Unfortunately we made the mistake of opening one of my mom's first and it was Transformer's Play Doh and he didn't want to keep opening, he just wanted to play!

This is my neice Hannah. She looked so insanely adorable at the party. And she was a PERFECT little girl!

This is toward the end of present opening. We were practically lost in wrapping paper. The first thing he did after we finished was ask to play with the play doh!

I had the COLTS game on and they made a good run of it... here the score was 17-0 Colts. They ended up losing anyway, and went 0-4 on Lysander's 4th birthday. Fun Fact: One week before the Colts went to the Superbowl and won, I found out I was pregnant with Lysander.

These were the best cupcakes in the world. S'mores cupcakes from the Flying Cupcake on Mass Ave. Totally the best thing ever.

Everyone was cheering for him for blowing out the candle. He was so sweet. Right after this Daddy finally called and he even talked to Daddy on Skype, which he normally doesn't do. :)

Totally weird but Lysander was all about the cupcake and Isaac who normally has the sweet tooth, took advantage of the Transformer's Play Doh being abandoned for a moment. I like this picture a lot though.

His birthday was a really fun day. Exhausting and now I'm totally sick, but we had a lot of fun. He got some great gifts, and the awesome thing about that is that it's all stuff Isaac can play with too because they are so close in age. Unfortunately since then I've been batteling this cold to no avail, but fortunately Lysander has kept up his incredible "I love you mama" attitude. Wish I could say the same for Isaac, but he never has been as terrible of a two year old as his brother was. ;)

Getting home

For some reason 15 days has become like a theme with me. We had GJ from 15 days, we went to see my dad for 15 days, and today we've been home for 15 days. First we had super fast, then we had super slow, and now I think we are back to normal, though I'll tell you what, things have not slowed down.

The first day we were back I did practically nothing. The next three days though were filled with errands and cleaning, and then a night out, and then a night in with the kids and Stef, and then a day full of relaxation with Stef and Heidar. So the first week flew by. Then the second week was basically spent starting back to preschool and getting ready for Lysander's 4th birthday party.

We also got some good news that Grover is going to be home sometime in November. Which is WAY sooner than we thought originally, so of course that was super exciting. Also a little nerve wrecking because now we have to figure out what we are going to do now with regards to the future. We've worked toward this deployment for so long, so it kind of feels like now what?

I've also started the refinancing process. That is scaring the shit out of me, pardon my french ;) I'm so ready to have this done and over with. We had some estimates already and we had the appraisal done today, so now it's all down to that and how much money we will get. I just pray every time I think about it that it will all work out and we will FINALLY get this done for good. I'm ready to stop having to stress so damn hard about this. One way or another, we will know soon. :)

And that puts me at home for 15 days. Now I have 8 more days til I go to Florida for five days and I'm sure THAT will make for some interesting blog posts ;)

15 days...

When Grover was home on R&R, 15 days went by in a blur. I didn't know that 15 days could go by that quickly. Then, two days after he left, I discovered how long 15 days could be. Don't get me wrong, I would not have done anything different, I was happy to take care of my Dad and Grandpa, but it was just one catastrophe after another. I left off with Lysander deteriorating health wise, and as it turned out, I had a trip to the ER with him as well. To be fair, I wasn't quite as freaked out when I went with him because I knew what was wrong. But he was so sad and so scared and it was just exhausting. As it turned out, he only had crupe, not pneumonia. As it also turned out he recovered way more quickly than Isaac did because two days after I took Lysander to the ER I had to find a pediatrician to take Isaac to because he stayed up all night long with an ear infection. ONE. THING. AFTER. ANOTHER.

Luckily, after that it eased up for our last week. Honestly, when I came home, it made me realize how much time I actually have to relax here as opposed to there. There was constantly something to do, something to clean, meals to fix, meals to clean up, toilets to empty(I can't even talk about that again), pills to give, diapers to change etc. What I came away from it with however, is I do want my Dad and my Grandpa to be around us more. Not that of course I didn't already know that, but somehow this trip, I really started wanting them to move closer to us. I liked being with them for two weeks and my boys really enjoyed it as well. Isaac called my dad Duf-fey. It was so cute. Even Lysander warmed up to both of them. It's amazing to me that at 95 years old, my Grandpa really takes a big interest in the kids. He laughs with them, and talks to them. Every morning he would give Isaac a high five. Every time I would take a picture with them with my Grandpa I would just think how special it is that they get to be around their great grandfather and have something to look back on with it.

Isaac and Grandpa would eat together a lot. They both like to take their time.

Isaac would wake up every morning before me and go into Grandpa's room and hang out with him. Of course Gryffin was always there too.

This is what my dad's leg looked like the first week.

We were also visited my Uncle Murph and Austin, some of my brother's friends from high school. Isaac was all over them.

And they got a chance to hang out with their cousins as well. This was the only picture that I could get of Lysander practically the entire time we were there because he was sick for so much of it. They are all such handsome boys :)


Thursday, September 15, 2011

Post R&R Hell

On GJ's last night I got a phone call from my dad. He was in the hospital and had fallen and broken his ankle. Despite that during that call he said he didn't want me to come out, I had a feeling that I would need to anyway. So the next day after GJ left I spent hours on the phone arranging care for Grandpa and things for the boys and I to travel to Arizona to spend a couple weeks with my dad. I got everything packed up(which was an undertaking on such short notice) and on Monday morning my mom came over at 5:45 am and took us to the airport. Isaac was full blown sick by this point, but all in all getting through security and waiting for the plane and then the actual plane ride itself went very smoothly. We got to Arizona at 8:30 am and had a car waiting for us to take us to my dad's house.

When we got to the house I got the kids in and into my dad's room to hang out and watch tv while I got the luggage in and said hello to Grandpa. I've told a lot of people the story of when I walked into the house, but for the sake of not making anyone vomit. Let's just say my grandpa uses a portable toilet and it was full. But I summoned all of the strength I had and got things cleaned up for him and got the house smelling better. I got him breakfast and then when he was settled back in his room, the boys and I went and got lunch at McD's and then went to the hospital to get my dad. Luckily they were in the process of getting him out of the hospital so about an hour later we were on our way home with him. When we got things settled at home Lysander went to sleep but Isaac was still up so I left my dad in bed and went to the grocery to get the necessities for the boys and to pick up dad's pain meds. As I was finishing up at the store, my dad called and said he had fallen. So I went home and tried in vain to pick him up off the floor but it was no use. Thankfully he had managed to not hurt his injured leg but we had to call the fire department to come get him back in to bed. It was probably a blessing in disguise because ever since then my dad has been more than careful about getting up and down and normally makes sure than I'm around to help if need be.

The rest of the day passed without incident until the kids were going to bed. Isaac fell asleep first as he had no nap but as we were all laying there, I became more and more anxious about how his breathing sounded. I called a 24 hour nurse line that I knew of in Indianpolis and talked to an RN and she said she thought I had better go the the ER right away. Luckily by this time Lysander was asleep so I went in and told my dad that I was taking Isaac to the ER and that Lysander was asleep but if he woke up just to put cartoons on and let him curl up in the chair. I rushed Isaac back to the ER in the hospital my dad had been in and as soon as we walked up and I told them what was wrong a nurse was there to take us back. He had a temperature of 103 and in about five seconds a doctor came over and was checking him out and said she thought it was probably crupe(I have no clue if that's the right spelling) but they'd x-ray to make sure it's not pneumonia too. So he got x-rays and then he had an albuteral breathing treatment and he was finally breathing better. They came back with the x-ray results and said it was crupe and pneumonia. They started him on steroids and he is now recovering, though they said that once he's off the meds he could have a relapse with the crupe and if so I'd pretty much have no choice but to bring him back to the ER.

Not going to lie, I have NEVER been as scared as I was when I was taking him to the ER that night. His breathing was labored and he was so upset and I was completely freaked out. When the kids had H1N1 a couple years ago and kept spiking extremely high fevers I thought I knew what scared was, but this was infinately worse. When we got home around midnight I had missed a call from GJ saying he was in Kuwait and I pretty much broke down, however, Isaac was asleep and breathing fine when I brought him in so the second I layed down on the couch I passed out.

From there things have gotten marginally better with the kids and much better with dad and Grandpa. The cleaning people came so now I just have to do upkeep with the house rather than really deeply clean it. Dad is doing better every day with getting around and managing things. I've fallen into a semi routine with everyone in getting things for them and then when they don't need me getting other things done. Of course dad's dishwasher is broken right now so I'm having to do dishes by hand. It seems there is always laundry to be done, and I've done some major organzing of things, but all this will help my aunt's when they come out to take over for me in a week and a half. Unfortunately I think the next thing I will have to contend with is whether or not Lysander gets what Isaac has because his health has been deteriorating just like Isaac's was before the ER visit. I called our pediatrician but they said I'd just have to wait to see how bad it gets. I can't take him before because they won't be able to pre treat anything. So that's awesome.

The good news is, it doesn't really matter where the kids are sick. They would feel just as bad at home as they do here. Might be a bit easier for me to take care of them, but that's life. I'm really glad that I was able to come out here on such short notice because any other option was not something I was prepared to live with. Plus I would have been really worried and I feel much more secure now that I am in control of the situation out here. Yes, in case you didn't already know, I am a total control freak. ;)

The world spins on and I just keep thinking that which does not kill us makes us stronger... or something like that. ;) Fingers crossed and sending prayers up that nothing more catastrophic will happen for quite some time because I think I've filled my 2011 quota!

R&R revisited

Well, obviously I only made the daily blogging effort until day three and then I totally spaced it. So we'll give you a recap of the highlights.

We went to dinner at Grover's oldest sister's house one night and had pizza with his immediate family. That was a lot of fun. The kids had a good time playing and everyone else just chit chatted and hung out. The boys started preschool while GJ was home. They cried every time we dropped them off, but the first day was the worst. I kept it together until we left Lysander and then I totally cried. GJ made fun of me but I'm allowed to have some emotions sometimes ;) He was here for the first four days they went and by the fourth day it wasn't that bad. We worked out while they were there the first couple of days and I think GJ was trying to torture me. I was so so sore after we worked out. The second two days they went we just went home and had some alone time(I'm not being dirty, we just didn't have much time just the two of us while he was home, so we took advantage.)

Another high light was when we went out with friends on the second saturday he was there. It was a really fun night. Some of our best friends from out of town were in for the holiday weekend so that was really exciting that the timing on that worked out. Some other old friends of our came out too as well as G's littlest sister and a friend of hers. Everyone had a really great time. We went to dinner at our favorite sushi place and then went to a bar called the Red Room... and when we walked in a little before ten pm the bar was completely EMPTY. Everyone started laughing and realized that we were so lame because we all have kids. We stayed there for awhile though and had a good time before heading back downtown and dropping of G's sister and heading out to Ike's for a drink before last call and then to Peppy's for breakfast as is our tradition. When we got home I headed straight to bed but everyone else stayed up for awhile. All I knew is I had to get my kids before noon on Sunday and it was getting dangerously close to 5 am ;)

We went to G's parent's house for Labor day... that wasn't as fun as the kids were in bad moods and didn't particularly want to be there. It would have been better if it wasn't so dang cold outside on Labor day but it sure was. So we were inside. We stayed for awhile but left pretty early. Glad we got to see GJ's grandparents though.

We did a lot of organzing and things to the house while he was home. It was really nice to have him there to do things with me that I had wanted to do for months but needed his help. It was amazing how nice our house looked after we were done. On Wednesday before we left we had my mom and step dad over for dinner with the Stewarts and Fowlers. It was a lot of fun, GJ cooked out on the grill and we had  TON of food. Even with that amount of people there it was still so much. The next night we had the Smiths over and Grandma smith was still in town so she came with them and we had pizza for dinner. That too was a night evening, we made Grandma Smith a cd of music to take with her. Some of it she picked out and some of it GJ already had and put it on there. It was a nice night.

It is AMAZING how quickly the 15 days passed. It was like a blink of an eye and he was gone again. Saying goodbye was really really difficult, especially for the boys. I will save you the blow by blow but they cried all the way home and off and on for the rest of the day. Even though that was hard, I'm still glad he came. I needed the "staycation" more than I even realized. Now of course, I realize that it was just two weeks of preparing me for the next two weeks that I'd need to be extra strong for...

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Day 3

Sunday Funday!!! Today started out pretty much like yesterday. Isaac and GJ got up just a few minutes before me. They came downstairs and started watching Entourage. I came down after stretching out in bed for a few minutes and again got on the treadmill. I have to say, I really have to talk myself into getting on that damn thing every damn morning and I hate every minute of it. Afterward, I feel really really good. If I don't do it, it makes me feel off all day long.

When I was done on the treadmill we just hung out for a little bit. I read the paper and clipped the coupons and had a poptart. Finally it was time to get ready because my Mom and Fred and Rachael came over this afternoon. GJ did most of the cleaning up about the house while I got ready. Everything looked pretty nice and when they came over we just hung out. Eventually we went outside and GJ picked some things up while the boys played with outside toys. Of course they were a freaking mess afterward and had to come in for a bath, but that's par for the course. When my family left we relaxed for about an hour and then got the grill fired up and had dinner. Or what I should say is Lysander GJ and I had dinner and Isaac refused to eat like normal. I don't know what is with him.

GJ thinks he's about to squeeze 8 hours of Trueblood into the next hour and a half. I think I might let him watch the first episode and then see if he wants to hit up Dairy Queen with the kids :) I'm sure that the blogged version of Grover's leave is going to be incredibly boring to read about, but so far I'm enjoying every boring second of it ;)

Day 2

Saturday morning was like a domestic dream. Grover and I woke up and Isaac was right behind us. I got on the treadmill and he took Isaac with him to go buy donuts. He went to Long's bakery because it's the only place I like donuts from and he arrived to a line around the block. So they went on a hunt for another bakery and were gone for almost an hour. It was kind of nice to be on the treadmill with out an audience since Lysander(who thinks he's 15) stayed asleep the entire time.

When they got back Lysander woke up and they had donuts and I got in the shower so we could go to the zoo. We normally only go to the zoo right when it opens and this trip reminded me why. It was pretty hot while we were there and I didn't bring anything for the boys to ride in, so we only stayed for an hour or so. We saw most of the animals though. When we went home Grover decided to mow the grass and then we called his parent's to see if we could go out there to go swimming, and they said of course since they hadn't seen Grover yet.

We drove out there and Grover and I fought for the control of the iPod hook up. We have pretty different tastes in music ;) The boys decided to play for a bit with their cousins, Emma and Hannah, before we got into the pool. Finally when I couldn't take it anymore I got them in to the pool. The water was a bit cold but refreshing. The boys only stayed in for a bit and then slowly one by one everyone got out of the pool and it was just G and I. It was the first time we had a few minutes to ourselves since he had been home. We just talked and swam around and laughed. My stomach muscles hurt from laughing so much. A few minutes later his mom said the boys were ready for dinner and we went in.

It was really nice to talk and relax and it was so beautiful outside. We had a great evening and ended up staying a lot later than I had planned on. When we got home we just went to bed. We were pretty tired. The day was really spontaneous, which is a real change for us to just do what we want whenever we want to. It was a nice feeling. Then again, ever since Thursday at about 1:30 pm has been a nice feeling! :)

Friday, August 26, 2011

First full day of leave :)

Last night I left off with being on the verge of getting what I hoped would be the best night of sleep that I had had in six months. As it turns out I didn't hardly sleep at all. I have no idea why, other than I started sleeping on G's side of the bed when he left and last night obviously G slept on G's side of the bed. We switched at about 4:30 am and I slept okay after that. Creature of habit maybe?

This morning we got up and I pretty much immediately got on the treadmill. G and Isaac sat on the couch and watched me. My knee was killing me so I only did thirty minutes and I switched five run five walk throughout. Made me a little sad to have to look so bad the first time G saw me run on the treadmill ;) He didn't comment. Just thought I was doing good to get on it right away. I think tomorrow I might try to get up earlier so as to not have an audience!

We got ready and went to Lysander and Isaac's meet the teacher. Isaac was so happy to be meeting who Lysander's teachers were last year as his own. He was so excited to be there and he was flirting with Miss Cori's two year old granddaughter. When we were leaving I told Lysander to say goodbye to his old teachers so we can meet his new ones and he started crying. I think more so he misunderstood and thought we were leaving him. I held his hand as we walked to his classroom in the main buidling and he calmed down. However when we walked in to his new classroom the poor teacher couldn't get a word out of him, though she did make him smile with a silly finger monster. Anyway, we got all their stuff and now we know where we are going on Tuesday. I also know I am will be crying. Crying the first time because Isaac is going to walk away from me and not look back. Crying the second time because Lysander is going to cry like he's scared and that is the one of two cries he has that absolutely breaks my damn heart(the other is when he cries because he's hurt, they are definitely distinctive cries as compared to when he's mad).

The rest of the day was spent playing play doh with Isaac, Lysander played heroes for a little while but then decided to go up to his room, there was lots of wrestling going on between the three of them off and on the entire day. GJ asked me to make a list of things for him to do because apparently he no longer feels comfortable relaxing, so I made him a two page list of things he could do and he went and did the outside work I needed done. He was very productive and I think it relaxed him to be doing something normal around the house. My best friend and her boys came over right as he was wrapping things up and unfortunately Lysander was laying down in his room and Isaac was passed out so the kids didn't get to play but it was good to see them. We also had to plan our night out and I'm sure that will be a NC-17 blog post after all that goes down.







GJ made a few of the $300 worth of steak that I bought for dinner and it was delicious, but part of that could be because he cooked and I didn't. Food that someone else makes normally tastes a lot better to me ;) We watched a movie together and now he's decided to watch Predator. I've been trying to pay as little attention to the scary movie as I possibly can. I have no desire to dream of creepy aliens tonight. ;) Game of Thrones it is!

Airport Pictures

"What are you doing here dada??"

"Hi!!"

Daddy and his boys :)

A fellow soldier stopped and offered to take a picture of us all. Lysander rebelled against being picked up by turning his head ;)

Finally stopped being timid around daddy

Thursday, August 25, 2011

R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I've been anticipating this for about a week now but for security reasons couldn't write about it, so we'll start from the beginning.

Grover all of a sudden said, "Hey, looks like my leave got approved, I'll be home next week." So of course I get that email and I'm like OVER THE MOON happy about it. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised. Thankfully, he was coming home right at the end of the busiest two weeks I've had since he's been gone so I didn't have to sit around and watch the minutes tick slowly by. As it was, it seemed to take forever for him to get here before he got here. Then today when he actually arrived I was like, well that was fast. :)

So I'm a little fuzzy on what is OPSEC appropriate here, so all I'll say is this morning, I got a call from him saying he'd be in Indy around 2 and what flight he was on. I was in a mad dash to finish cleaning the downstairs, and then get ready. Right after I got out of the shower I borrowed my laptop from Lysander for a minute(I say my laptop, but what I really mean is the pink laptop I THOUGHT I was buying for myself and actually as it turns out I bought it for my children), and checked the status of his flight. It was totally early. I practically took flight I was moving so fast to get us out of the house after I saw that. No way was I missing meeting him as soon as he got off that flight. What kind of military wife would I be if I just picked him up in baggage claim? We even parked in valet parking because I was in that big of a hurry. Thankfully we arrived right as the plane landed with even a few minutes to spare for the boys to go look at the "big planes mama!".

It was just as I suspected it would be when he arrived. No movie scene for us as GJ can not manage to summon up serious excitement for practically anything but the boys ;) I did give him a hug though and kissed him and was so happy and relieved to see him. Isaac went right up to him and was happy and gave him a hug and exclaimed "dada!" in absolute shock even though he was talking about going to get dada all morning long. Lysander smiled and hugged him but then was pretty much glued to my side for a good ten minutes before he pulled a judas and attatched himself to his daddy. The boys ran around like crazy while we were waiting at baggage claim. It never ceases to amaze me that when I think they are acting like hellions and must be annoying the hell out of everyone around them, their impeccable timing with a smile endears them to every person who crosses their paths. I'm sure it also helped that GJ was in his ACUs and so they understood that these kids must be extra energetic because they are so happy to have their father back. Another returning soldier saw me taking a picture of GJ and the boys and offered to take one of us as a family. Having a picture with me actually in it is a rare thing, so it was nice and it actually was a pretty good photo, minus Lysander literally turning his face completely away in rebellion to me holding him for the shot.

Just as GJ's baggage came out, Lysander totally sprinted away from me and I sprinted after him and he tripped and totally took me down with him. Apparently Isaac and Grover missed this altogether, but I'm pretty sure a few people had a good laugh. My knee however hurts like nobody's business.

We then went and got the truck and went home so GJ could shower and change cloths and have a tall glass of milk, then we met my mom at Wendy's and she bought us a  late lunch which was very sweet of her. GJ was thrilled to have a hamburger and fries. When we came home the boys were wore out from all the excitement, so they layed down to watch Phineas and Ferb.

I'll skip what happened next. ;)

This evening we had pizza and went outside to inspect our garage that had been broken into and apparently a TON of GJ's tools had been stolen. Top priority tomorrow is going to be outside work on securing the back gate because it TOTALLY freaked me out that someone had been back there. GJ is really looking forward to doing some yard work too, and I'm really looking forward to letting him.

Right now the boys are in their beds going to sleep, and G is already passed out beside me. I am completely and totally blissed out right now to have my husband home and the boys in their rooms asleep. I think I may go ahead and have the first good night's rest I've had since March. God Bless and Good Night :)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Visit to the Grandparent's

This weekend we drove down to Providence, KY to see my Papaw and Mamaw. It's about a four hour drive from my house and of course after driving down to Florida I knew that would be nothing for the boys and I. We left early Saturday morning after loading up the truck. I swear, going anywhere, even if it's just for 36 hours like this trip, it's like moving with children. I do have to say that the last time we went to KY it was when Isaac was only about 9 or so months and that time there was  A LOT more to pack! It gets easier as they get older for sure. It was a nice drive down there. The boys were perfect and time goes pretty fast with my mom in the car with me to chit chat on the way. In fact we were talking so much that we overshot the first turn we had to make by ten miles and ended up crossing into Illinois before we realized it!

We got to my grandparent's about lunch time and had a very nice lunch with the two of them. My Mamaw is a very good cook. The rest of the day we just sat around talking and one of my mother's cousins and her husband came to visit as well. It was nice to see family I don't see very often. The boys always amaze me how they are so adaptable and entertaining. Lysander spent most of the evening downstairs in the guest room watching a movie. I think he was tired from the trip. Isaac on the other hand practically put on a show for everyone. I'm not sure what time we went to bed but I was exhausted when we went to sleep. I believe the boys woke up a bit earlier than I did, and eventually they came down to get me we had breakfast. My grandfather made breakfast. It is nice to see that my grandparents have such a good and loving relationship. They still flirt with eachother. :) Even after 27 years!

The boys were full of energy this morning. Fairly good, but very energetic! We left around lunch time and I think Lysander was ready to go home. I'm not sure Isaac was ready to leave his great grandpa. He enjoyed him a lot. They were very good on the way home as well. Lysander fell asleep for the last hour or so and Isaac got tired of watching movies so we turned on my iPod and he entertained me and gigi with singing along to Muse, Rhianna, and Hendrix. When we are about ten minutes away from home Isaac fell asleep.

It was a nice relaxing evening from then on. I'm very glad that we had an eventful weekend. Things that make the time not feel as if it's dragging on and on are important to us this year. I try to make sure that the boys are always entertained but it is nice to have things that also entertain me as well.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Lysander's almost Four

Lysander's fourth birthday is coming up in the beginning of October and it's time to start planning, but before I dive into why his birthday party is going to give me an aneurism, I have to say, it become incredibly apparent to me that he is another year older all in one morning. Some of these things he's been doing for quite awhile but combined with other things it just brought it all to the forefront of my mind.

The other day he woke up before me, but he didn't come get me out of bed like he used to. He turned on his tv and started playing with toys in his room. Then we went downstairs to breakfast and he went to the bathroom on his own, whereas before he'd either go straight to the table or he'd have to be talked in to going potty by me. Then after he went to the bathroom he got the stool and washed his hands all on his own and then went to look for a hand towel himself to dry his hands off. Then he sat down at the table and I gave him breakfast. When he was done he got up and went to the kitchen sink where he pulled a chair over and washed off his hands and his arms and his mouth(he had waffles with syrup) then dried off and went to the living room and got the remote and turned on the tv and then went to go find toys to play with. I swear to you, had he been able to make his own waffles and pour his own milk, I would have been completely obsolete.

I have to admit that I enjoy him being able to do things for himself and it's great to not have to wait on him hand and foot, but it makes me a little sad too that he's getting so big so fast. :( :)

Since he's such a big boy and so independent I thought maybe he'd like to tell me what he wanted the theme for his birthday party to be. He said Avenger's. When he says Avenger's, he means, Avenger's: Earth's Mightiest Heroes that's on DisneyXD. So I know I'm going to need to order this stuff soon so I can get invites out, and I started looking the beginning of August. All I could find was Superhero Squad. That is an entirely different show from AEMH. One that he likes, and has a million of the little toys, but not what he said he wanted for his party. So I show him a picture of the SHS party theme and asked "Is this okay for your party?" His response, "No, I Avenger's" (for some reason he won't say want, and honestly, I don't particularly care because I think a child saying "I want" constantly is obnoxious!)

For two weeks I have been looking everywhere I can think of for Avenger's party supplies. I even went so far as to suggest Justice League(the previously more popular DC version of Avenger's, but thanks to Disney, most people now know all about Iron Man, Thor and Captain America, like everyone already knows who Batman, Superman and Wonderwoman are) to him, which he said was fine with him, and started trying to search for that, but to no avail.

I just have to know, WHY IN THE HELL is there a super popular Avenger's cartoon made for kids and NO FREAKING PARTY SUPPLIES PUT OUT FOR IT??? Disney or distributors or whoever has totally dropped the ball here and I am not happy. There are party supplies for some weird cartoon called Barkugon on every website I've been on and I've NEVER heard of that cartoon. It's like they are out to get me. My husband, the all brilliant comic book person, suggests that I get a mixture of the thor, captain america, iron man, and hulk party supplies. LIKE LYSANDER DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. I mean, Wasp, Hawk guy and Ant man will all be missing from that scenario. Plus from the mama point of view it looks like a jumbled mess and not a cohesive decorating plan.

In closing, I'd like to thank Disney for getting my kid hooked on an ultra cool cartoon that he LOVES and making it impossible for me to have an Avenger's: Earth's Mightiest Heroes birthday party for him. I'd love to say I'm going to boycott Disney or be mad at them forever, but let's face it. Disney is behind most things that my kids hold most dear in the world, so what I'm really going to do is shut my mouth and keep giving them thousands of dollars a year for their cloths and toys and silverware and dvds... but they will be missing out on the $100 I would have spent on birthday party supplies. I know if someone from Disney read this, they'd be really distraught. Really really distraught.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Saga of Baby Penguin

Before I start our story, I must give some background information on baby penguin. Baby came to our family on the 4th of July. My mom and brother and sister in law went with the boys and I to the zoo. On the way out, my brother and sister in law, who were in from out of town, wanted to go to the gift shop. Now, generally I avoid the gift shop on the way out. It had been a long time since I had bought the petites toys from the zoo though, so I went in with them and let them pick some things out. We got two stuffed dolphins(which the boys needed like I need a hole in the head) and then a five pack of plastic penguins. Four of the plastic penguins were big adult penguins, and one small baby penguin.

When we got home, Isaac immediately took to Baby Penguin, and soon he would not ever put it down. Probably because he had recently lost his other favorite toy (iron man, and mind you, we have five "iron man" figures, but there was a specific one he liked and when he lost him, he was devastated for days). Eventually I found Iron Man, and though Isaac was incredibly happy to see him, Baby was still always the one in his little hand.

And now we come to....

The Saga of Baby Penguin:

It was a sunny Saturday. Gigi had come over to watch the boys so I could get my hair done. While I was gone she went to straighten up the back porch, which was a jumbled mess of the petites' outside toys. Isaac followed her out, baby in hand. Later that day after I had gotten home and Gigi had gone, Isaac came up to me and asked... "Baby?" Now I've been asked this question too many times to count. I've come to the conclussion that Isaac likes to get creative where he "loses" baby and then is entertained my watching me hunt for him. I have found baby in windowsills and silverware drawers. I have found baby in the dvd cabinet and in the pantry. So when he asks me this question... "baby?" I immediately get a little annoyed and know I'm in for a pretty long hunt. But do I tell him to find it himself? No, I look and look until I find him because I'm a sucker.

So on Saturday when he asked I spent a good 30 minutes looking for him. No baby. Thankfully I distracted him by leaving for Gigi's house to go see the Smurfs movie(totally recommend it, it was smurf-tastic)

On Sunday I was asked again "Baby?" I searched and searched, looked high and low. No baby. Again, I distracted him and he was okay.

On Monday I was asked again "Baby?" At this point I'm remembering how bad it was when we lost Iron Man and I'm getting a little panicky. Amazing how one little plastic penguin can cause a grown woman so much anxiety.

No baby on Monday.

On Tuesday, we decided to go out and play in the backyard since there was FINALLY a break in the horrible heat wave we'd been having. I went out to put water in the pool and in the pirate ship and generally get toys out... as I walked to the Pirate Ship, low and behold, BABY PENGUIN!!! As I was cursing the time I had wasted looking inside, I walked over and gave it to Isaac who absolutely sang with joy! Baby was found and all was right in the world.

Skip ahead 30 minutes... I find baby in the middle of the yard in the grass. Seriously. So I take baby and set him beside the pool for safe keeping.

Skip ahead another 30 minutes or so... Isaac gets in the pool, spots baby, and grabs him. Unbeknownst to me he then takes him to the sandbox where he and his brother start dumping bucket after bucket of water into the sandbox.

Shortly there after we have lunch. I have all but forgotten about baby at this point... I tend to repress things that cause me anguish. The boys eat and then make a mess with bubbles, which actually turns out to be a hazard so we go inside. I get them washed up and upstairs to play for awhile and then eventually I go back outside to pick up the backyard. I'm just about finished(having had to spray down the back porch that was covered in a gallon of bubbles, and Isaac appears at the back door.

He then asks a question that strikes fear into my heart and makes my blood pressure sky rocket.

"BABY?????"

Thirty minutes. That's how long I searched the back yard for baby. Then I went and asked Isaac if he could help me. He bent down and looked under the table and chairs on the porch. He went over and inspected the pirate ship. He went into what used to be the dog run. He walked around the backyard, "look mama, flower!" but I would not be distracted. Finally he said, "Castle." With such finality he said it. Like he had just remembered that was where baby was. Here I will have to translate for you. When Isaac says "Castle" he means SANDBOX.

The same sandbox that has 300 lbs of sand in it along with the 20 buckets of water they had poured in  it a few hours before hand. I was horrified. So I walk over the the sandbox, take the top off and start to search the box in a grid pattern. After a few minutes of this, I look up to the heaves and plead with God, "Please, if baby penguin is in here, let me find him without dumping all three hundred pounds of sand onto my grass."

Three seconds later, I found Baby Penguin.

Miracles do happen!

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Strange train of thought

I am lying in bed. It's 11:55 pm and I have just now finally gotten Lysander to go to sleep. This after coming upstairs four hours ago in attempts to get the boys to go to bed early so that once school starts in three weeks they will be on track. I failed. When they get woken up at 8 am tomorrow regardless, I'm hoping it will make bed time easier tomorrow. Anyway, so I'm laying in bed, my mind an endless cycle of stupid thoughts going through it. Honestly, this never used to happen to me. I used to fall into bed and not have one single ounce of insomnia. Lately, maybe 3 out of 4 nights, I can't shut off my brain. It's always a jumble of random thoughts mixed in with the never ending list of things I have to do. One of the random things I was thinking tonight was how I told Lysander that if he got out of bed in the next fifteen minutes I was going to turn his tv off(he sleeps with it on, but before you judge me, this is how I got him to start sleeping in his own bed and not in mine, and the volume is one super low so only dogs can hear it). Of course he got out of bed and I turned the tv off. He cried and cried and acted like he was scared and then came in to my room and got one of G's hardback comic books and wanted to read it with me. He sat in my lap on my bed, looked through the comic book, naming super heros and when the book was over, I asked if he was ready for bed and he calmly got up and went into his room and all was better with him.

This thought led to me thinking about a time I was scared. Totally random, happened a few weeks ago and it honestly wasn't a big deal. But at the time I was frightened out of my mind and still, when I thought about it tonight, three weeks after the fact, my heart started racing and I was physically feeling scared. I wondered why this was. Why I was scared during something I shouldn't have been three weeks ago and why it still caused me fear tonight when I thought about it?

This lead to what makes me feel better when I'm scared. For the past almost six years my safety net has been Grover. Of course I have others that I can depend on and who can make me feel better, but if I'm scared or sad, the only person in the world that I really truly want to be with me is him. He wasn't there that night a few weeks ago. I think that's why I was scared in a situation I normally would have been perfectly calm about. Probably even cockily(is that a word?) calm about. I feel like when he's around, I can't be touched by any force or person or whatever because he's this sheild.

So next on the silly yet oddly horrifying trainway of thought is that the thought of feeling safe with Grover did not make me feel safe. It made me feel panicky. Like I would never have that safe feeling again. I think possibly it's human nature to adapt to any situation. It's hard, and sometimes it takes forever, but a well functioning person can adapt to anything, no matter how annoying or awful it is. So for me, it's like, even though in my mind I know Grover is coming home, I've adapted to the fact that he's not here and now it's normal for me. I can't remember if I've written about this before or if it's just a conversation I've had with someone, but truly, life with out him is starting to feel normal. In contrast to that, it's weird to feel like this is normal because I know in my mind it's absolutely not and won't be forever. Obviously this is a ridiculously complicated emotion, and I am probably not saying it right, but possibly some other army wife has felt this way at some point and you will know what I'm talking about. Please feel free to comment and clarify for those who are not military spouses since I am doing a horrible job.

Anyway, last stop on the crazy train is then it occured to me that I've felt like that before. Scared that I wouldn't feel comfortable in my life, or feel safe with someone, and that feeling totally happens after a break up. Especially when you are with someone for a long period of time and they become such a big part of your routine and when you break up, you're routine is totally fraked up(yes, that word is from Battlestar Gallactica, and yes, I am a total nerd, glad it's out there in the open now). There is no morning phone call to the person whom you are with and there is no planning for Saturday night with them, there are no text messages to send throughout the day, and when you are sad and upset or scared or even happy, they are still, for a time, the person you want to call to make you feel better or share the joy or sorrow with, but you can't because that tie has been severed.

In conclussion... deployments can feel a little like breaking up. This is where my train of thought stopped, and where I decided that I had to write to get this all out of my head so I could possibly lay down and go to sleep so I can get up at 6:55 am to be downstairs when my neice gets here and to get my butt on the treadmill. To clarify, Grover and I are not broken up, nor do I plan on or think that we will ever break up. We aren't having problems in any way shape or form. I don't think this deployment will hurt our marriage, I think it will strengthen it. I also think there will be a huge chunk of time after he gets home that we will be so happy to be with one another we probably will be bending over backwards to not fight or ruin the high that I imagine will linger for awhile. In the mean time, I'm pretty sure that all these random thoughts, however strange they may seem to some, might be pretty normal to someone who is seperated from their husband or wife for a signifigant period of time. If you've never been through that then I apologize for the horror you must have endured listening to this rambling blog post.

Next stop, dreamland... think I'll travel to Hogwarts tonight... because that's not weird or anything ;)